When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
