I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
