i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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