Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
