okay pat passed out under dana's car
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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