Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
