You're so nebulous sometimes
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
