The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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