the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my liver is dry heaving
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
