yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
