The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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