I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
