she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
