No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
