He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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