Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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