Do you still have your period?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
