Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
