i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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