No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
