3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
