he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
