my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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