Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
