i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
