So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
