Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
