The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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