If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
