Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize