he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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