i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm really busy with my period
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