I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
