I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
