Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
