Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
