no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
