I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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