dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
