Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye