I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.