Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.