guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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