I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
