3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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