Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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