Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
