You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
