So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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