i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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