please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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