i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.