I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
