i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick