Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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