I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples