So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
