Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
