i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They took my balls.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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