My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You can't special order awesome
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
