Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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