I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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