So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
