I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
