she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
