I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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