I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
