So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
