Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
