I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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