So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I want her autograph on my taint
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize