How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
