i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize