so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
