I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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