who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
thus making me awesome and them whores
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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