my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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