so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I deserve this hangover.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
