After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
