I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
