Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
