I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
