i don't like sucking hair
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
