Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
